Everyone always warns you when you become a parent that you’re going to lose all your friends, and nobody ever believes it until it happens to them. When I found out I was pregnant it was an exciting time for everyone. I was the first of my friends, it was something new, an experience that everyone wanted to be apart of. I’ve had a close group of friends for a very long time now, they are like my family. When A was born my friends were so active in being apart of everything. They loved her, they made an effort. I mean its easy when you have a newborn that you can bring along everywhere. They sleep in the car seat, they only cry when they need something. Toddlers are a different story, they whine, they throw tantrums and you have to work around their nap schedule. I get it, its just not as easy. Although, I think the problem I’m experiencing with my friends goes deeper than having to work around a toddler.
We’re getting older, we’re all going to be 25 this year, and naturally things will change, I get that. Although, what I wont stand for is people trying to belittle me, or tell me how I should think and feel. Over the last year or so my friends have all been on their own personally growth journeys (as we all are). Although, in my opinion if your personal growth means isolating, or putting down one of your closest friends then there isn’t much growth happening at all has there? I’m sick and tired of being put down because I think and feel differently from my friends. I feel as though I’m either being put down, or ignored completely. Every single thought or feeling that I have is being challenged by these people, the only person I want that from is my therapist.
I’m a people pleaser by nature, its how I was raised. I’ve always been the type of friend who listens and supports when people are feeling down. I let them get it all out, I encourage them and I validate them. Thats honestly all I’ve ever wanted in return. Lately though its quite the opposite. I’m still expected to validate their feelings and be their shoulder to cry on, when I’m not receiving the same support back, and quite honestly I’m over it. I have an extremely hard time “cutting” people, or acknowledging when people are becoming toxic to me. I always think that it must be my fault, or if I’m better than they’ll like me again. Honestly, fuck that. I’m sick of being everyones punching bag. I’m sick of either being ignored or told that I’m wrong. Feelings cannot be right or wrong, their feelings, and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I want. It’s time for me to choose myself, even if it means losing the people that I thought were the most important to me. I’m choosing my family, my daughter. I want to be able to teach her how to stand up for herself and what she believes, and how can I do that if I’m constantly letting people walk all over me? I’m saying enough is enough. Either these people learn how to stand with me, or I stand alone. There will be no more people pleasing, no more walking on egg shells. I am who I am and everyday I’m working to be better. I may run a little slower, and maybe I’m a little behind on my personal growth journey. If that means that they think their too good for me than I guess that says more about them than it does about me.
When you find yourself walking into motherhood be prepared. You most likely will loose friends, and don’t be so quick to blame the baby. While we’re growing and flourishing in motherhood, the people around us are doing the same thing in their own lives, and sometimes the pieces of the puzzle change, and they don’y quite fit together the same anymore. It’s ok to grow apart and change, and it’s ok to be sad about it. The most important thing is that you never forget your worth, never be someone you’re not to keep the people around you comfortable. At the end of the day the only thing you have is yourself, and if you don’t love the person that you are than you need to change something. You need to be true to yourself, and the self love will come pouring in. Yes, even if it means losing some of the people that you thought you couldn’t live without.
xoxo, B.
Motherhood in the Raw 