Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.
Steve Maraboli
Letting people go is really hard. No one wants to feel alone. Sometimes loneliness is what you need in order to find yourself. For the longest time I’ve changed who I am in order to fit in with others. I’ve always had to fight hard in order to not be forgotten, or left behind. Why am I exhausting myself in a fight that I cannot win? I hold on so tight to things that may be bad for me because I’m so scared of being alone. I know that I will always have my family, and they mean everything to me. Although, sometimes you need friendship too. It’s been many years since I’ve felt this way, and it’s a feeling that I never, ever want to feel again. I will never open myself up to the possibility of friendship again. This pain is too real, and too intense that it doesn’t make the good times worth it. My daughter, my partner and my family deserve my energy. I deserve my energy. Life will go on, and maybe I will be a little bit more lonely than I once was. I know the pain will fade eventually, but sadly the memories will remain. I wish I knew the right way to deal with this situation, but I suppose thats a lesson that I still have to learn.
As all of us parents know being isolated to your house with children isn’t the easiest thing in the world. It’s so important for us to do our part, even if that means going a little bit stir crazy. Today I’m going to share with you some of my favourite activities that I do with A to keep us busy at home.
Help Make Mommy Breakfast A absolutely loves helping in the kitchen. I find when I let her help me make breakfast in the morning it sets both of our days off on the right foot. A is the type of toddler who loves to help, I can tell it gives her a sense of purpose. I let her do things like put berries on her plate, help flip the egg, butter the toast. Allowing her to help do these tasks not only helps her learn, but makes her excited about eating a healthy balanced meal.
Imaginary Play One of my favourite things to do with A is watch her use her imagination. We make up silly little games with her babies and she has so much fun. One of our faves is playing doctor. She will line up all her babies and she checks their heart and their ears and I can just see her little brain gears turning.
Painting, Play Doh & Drawing A loves being artistic in so many different ways. She really loves painting and Play Doh. It allows her to explore different colours and textures all while getting messy. Since Easter is right around the corner we’ve been doing a lot of Easter themed crafts. Even something as simple as painting foam eggs is a super fun way to get creative while being festive.
Obstacle Course You can make an obstacle course inside or outside using a variety of things. If you have hoola hoops, jump ropes and pylons its super easy to arrange them in your backyard to have your little one jump and run through all of the obstacles. If you don’t have a large outdoor space you can also create one inside using colourful tape. Simply put the tape on the floor in straight lines, zig zags and other shapes for your little one to explore. I’ll link some Pinterest links down below to give you a visual representation of this one. Outdoor Obstacle Course Indoor Obstacle Course
Nature Scavenger Hunt A super easy way to have some fun is a nature scavenger hunt. Theres tons of templates online you can print out with photos of birds, sticks, trees and other things that you can find on a simple walk outside. Have your little ones find something from their list out in the real world. They’ll think its pretty awesome when they’re able to find what their looking for.
Practising Mindfulness It’s so important to teach our children how to be mindful of the world. The world is a scary place right now and it’s important to educate our children. If you have kids old enough to understand whats going on you should sit down and talk about it. Talk about what it means to be isolated, and why social distancing is so important. If your children are too young to understand, like A, there are still so many different mindful activities you can do. Even just going for a walk and pointing out the things you see. Acknowledging that the grass is green, and the smell of the cool breeze are super important things to teach our kids.
Times are tough right now but that doesn’t mean we have to worry 24/7. Our kids still need some sense of normality and it’s important that we don’t let our anxieties get the best of us. If you try any of the activities I listed above I would love to see a photo! Take a photo of your isolation games and tag me on Instagram @motherhoodintheraww so we can all still feel connected while we distance ourselves physically. Don’t forget that we’re all in this together.
She is a mermaid but approach her with caution. Her mind swims at depths most would drown in.
J. Iron Word
My mind has always been complex, moving 1000 miles a minute. I’ve always thought of that to be a bad thing. Setting me apart from my peers. Now I’m trying to learn to how to love and accept my mind, and how beautiful it is. I’ve yet to meet another person who thinks like myself. I am my own unique being, and I am special in every way. You do not need to achieve greatness to be great. Simply being who you are is the greatest thing that you can be. Society has skewed our perception of what makes someone worthy. You don’t have to be anything that you do not want to be. Be who you are, deeply and truly. One day you’ll be looking back on your life, desperately wishing that you embraced your true self. Through and Through.
Welcome March, I am ready to embrace this new month with gratitude. March is the time for feeling inspired, motivated and ready for change. March means that spring is just around the corner. Soon we’ll be feeling the warmth of the sun. The chirp of new life being born into the world. The smell of the earth as it awakens from its winter sleep. March reminds me that seasons change, and that your current is not your forever. Spring is the perfect time for change. Change where you’re living, change your job, change your hobbies. March is the time to let go of the things that are no longer serving your greater purpose. Let go of the people who are holding you back, as hard as it may be. Listen to your inner voice, listen to what she is telling you. Stop changing who you are to fit in with everyone else. Find your people, find your joy. Allow March to guide you to where you need to be. The longer you try to force happiness on yourself for the greater good of others, the longer it will take to find your true bliss. Be your own motivation, and let this new season show you just how beautiful you really are. March, I’m ready for you and all you have in store.
Today I woke up to warm sunlight pouring through my window. Theres nothing quite like sunrise on your skin first thing in the morning; it set the tone for my day. How can I feel bad when there is beauty all around me? Today I wont sweat the small stuff, and I know nothing can bring me down. I am powerful, and I can see the beauty in everything. I know that I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be. Today I will choose positivity. I will move my body, I will allow myself to feel good. Depression will not capture me today. It will not make me fall into it’s trap again. Not today.
Thank you for reading episode two of my Dear Diary series. Just a reminder that these diary entires are from days in the past, they aren’t my present thoughts and emotions as I’m creating this blog post. Sometimes these posts may not make a ton a sense as they’re basically my thought vomit, but I figured maybe someone out there would be able to relate.
Hi friends, thanks for clicking on my new blog post. If you’ve been following me since the beginning then you’ve probably realized that this blog has turned more mental health than motherhood. Since I’ve started this blog I’ve been working on myself hard core, and there has been a lot of ups and downs. Something that has been a huge part of my life has been daily journaling, and I thought I would share some of those journal entries here on my new segment called Dear Diary. I want you to know that if you’re struggling it is ok, and you’re not alone. We are all growing and evolving on our own clocks, and we all have such a unique, personal way of thinking. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like they have to follow anyone else’s way of thinking to be on the right path. Sometimes I know that I can feel like I’m running a marathon with those around me, and everyone is miles ahead of me. I keep running as fast as I can, trying to keep up with fear in the back of my mind. Fear of being left behind, or forgotten by those that I love. We need to remember that those who truly love us back wont leave us behind. They will adjust their pace slightly to allow us to catch up, and they will embrace us once we finally reach the finish line. I know that was a long introduction to this new segment, but it felt necessary to me, because these diary entries are super important to me.
Dear Diary: Ep. 1: It’s time to inhale the good and the happy, and exhale the bullshit. Manifest the life that you desire. Manifest happiness and self love. Your path doesn’t have to look like your peers, you create your own happiness. Follow your heart, not the crowd. See your inner beauty, and thank God for making you this way. Help people like you need to be helped. Reach out, make an effort. Be loving and be loved. Choose the pursuit of happiness, not perfection. Maybe simply being happy is enough. Maybe loving yourself is magic.
I wrote that while I was having a very tough day mentally. The depression was taking over ever fibre of my being and I thought I was going to be stuck in it all day. Writing is so therapeutic for me. It allows me to get my thoughts out in an organized way, instead of having them race around my mind 1000 miles a minute. I know this one was short, but it is so powerful to me. I want to create an army of mental health warriors, that would probably be my “mission statement” for this blog. I want people to know that you’re perfect just the way you are. Personal growth is important, and it’s empowering, but its also just that, personal. Next time you feel like you’re evolving “too slowly” or like everyone around you is moving on and leaving you in their dust I want you to read this blog post. I want you to remember that you’re time for mental clarity will come, and it will taste that much sweeter because you know that you will have worked your ass off for it. For now keep on shining, and keep on loving yourself through every up, and every down.
Hey, how are ya? I know I’ve been gone for a hot minute (thanks mental health), but thats not what I’m here to talk about today. Now that A is a walking, talking crazy little toddler I’ve realized that I probably wouldn’t survive the days without these much needed items. I’m here to show you the specific items that I use on the daily, and maybe help make your life a little easier too.
Backpack Style Diaper Bag How did moms and dads live through the era of “purse” style diaper bags? You know what I mean, it seems a few years ago everyone used the same style of diaper bag and it wasn’t often that I saw many parents using a backpack. I remember the trend of boujee moms using actual designer bags for carrying around all of their littles belongings. Now that I’ve been using a backpack style bag for a year and a half I couldn’t imagine any other way. I mean this one isn’t technically for toddlers specifically because I’ve been using the same diaper bag since A was born, but it’s needed now more than ever. Not only am I always needing to carry what feels like hundreds of A’s items everywhere we go, but I often find myself carrying her. Picking up and wrangling a toddler is not always easy, and having a purse style bag slipping off your shoulder every 2.5 seconds is simply rage inducing. I’ll link below the exact bag that I use, although I’m sure you’ve seen it at least once in your life. It seems these days about 95% of moms and dads that I see with their kiddos have the exact same bag on their backs as well, it just makes sense. This is the bag that I use. Its held up amazingly over almost 20 months, and it holds every single thing that I could need on a daily basis.
Silicone Bibs & Suction Plates Lets talk meal time. It seems to be a commonly stressful time in most families households. These are some items that help us make meal time a little smoother. I mean ya its still messy, and difficult sometimes but I’ll take all the help I can get. First of all, silicone is the easiest material to clean to by far. Everything just slips right off of it with water and some soap. The bibs have pockets at the bottom that actually catch all of the dropped food, unlike fabric bibs where the pocket typically stays flat and closed. Also having the suction on the plates and bowls are a must. I mean she can still get them up and toss her plate if she really tries hard enough, but having the suction helps the bowl stay down while she’s scooping out her food. Here are the ones we use: Bibs Plates Bowls
Elastic Hair Ties If you opt out of cutting your kiddos hair short, or giving them bangs than these hair ties are a must. From 1-2 our toddlers hair seems to go through an extremely crazy phase. I find I have to put A’s hair up in a little pony tail every single day, otherwise her hair is constantly in her eyes. I’m hoping it will grow long enough to tuck behind her ear soon, because I don’t want to cut those precious locks. We’ve tried the baby hair ties that are material but they just don’t hold, and A is able to take those ones out. The generic elastic ones that you can get basically anywhere work much better for us. I prefer the elastic to be a little bit thicker because it hold better, but any of these should work fine. Elastic hair ties.
Diaper Genie It seems like a lot of people have mixed opinions about the diaper genie. I know a lot of people think that its just a glorified trash can, but I think that I have to disagree. In the past 20 months I’ve gone through two genies, so that is something to consider because our first one did break, but it was essential enough in our daily lives that we got a new one that same day. I suppose I could see if you owned a home with a garage than you could very well just put the dirty diapers in a trash can in your garage, but a lot of people don’t have that option. I live in a townhouse with no garage, and if i were to put all of A’s dirty diapers in a regular trash can with a lid, my entire house would stink in between garbage days. The genie really does conceal the smell for the most part, and we will continue to use ours until she is potty trained. I will add that the refills for the genie are kind of expensive, but some store like Walmart sell their brand of the refills. The genie itself is very reasonably priced, but the refills will cost you which is something to consider. Diaper Genie
Forehead Thermometer I know that forehead thermometers aren’t the most accurate and you should ALWAYS consult with your doctor before making any health decisions involving you or your children, but for us the forehead thermometer has been a life saver. A is terrified of doctors, or any piece of medical equipment since her accident, (and yes I still plan to make a post all about it soon). So for us anytime we tried to use any other type of thermometer she absolutely lost her s#*t and flailed her body all over the place making it impossible to get an accurate reading. With the forehead thermometer all you have to do is touch it to their forehead for two seconds and it will give you the reading. I know it may not be the most accurate method, but if you have a child thats terrified of the other types it eliminated a lot of stress. Here is the one we use: Forehead Thermometer
Socks with Grips This one may seem obvious, but its not something I ever really thought about before. Its shocking to me how many companies sell toddler socks without the rubber grips on the bottom. I mean, come on toddlers are basically little drunk people who are always falling and stumbling all over the place. I know A needs all the reinforcements she can get while she takes over the world, and thats why socks with grips are the only way for my girl. These don’t have to be a specific brand or style, but i’ll link some below anyway. Next time you’re buying socks for your toddler, make sure you double check the bottoms. Socks with rubber grips
Craft Table A small craft table designed for toddler is a must in our house. A loves arts and crafts and for the longest time I would deprive her of doing them because I was always scared she would ruin our table. Once we got her own table and chairs we were able to give her the creative freedom without the stress. Since its plastic its easy to clean, and I love that its all meant for her size so she can easily get up and down from the chairs herself. It’s just another thing that helps to give her a little independence. The one we have is from Ikea, but I’m not a huge fan of it because its kind of large. I will link it below, but I will also link a better options for those of you with limited space. Ikea Craft Table Craft Table for Smaller Spaces
Sleep Sack We’ve been using a sleep sack since the day A came home from the hospital, and it has worked so well for us. I think a lot of people think its strange to continue using them for toddler, but I promise its life changing. I know for a fact that if A didn’t sleep with a sack on that should would be constantly climbing out of her crib, and therefore I would get no sleep at night. Her sleep sack has helped us keep her in her crib (because non of us are ready for a big girl bed just yet), and its kept her safe. I’m all for safe sleeping and blankets are not recommended to be in the crib, toddlers are actually not recommended to use blankets at all until after 2. Our sack keeps our girl safe and warm and I really do think that it helps her sleep better. Sleep sacks vary in terms of material, warmth and price so you’ll have to do some research to find which one worked for you, but i’ll link the halo one below because not only have we used it, but it seems to be a fan favourite. Halo Sack
Aveeno Soothing Relief Lotion Alright I know this one is kind of random but I swear this lotion is the only one that battles A’s dry patches. She doesn’t have eczema but she definitely has certain spots on her that get super dry. We’ve tried Live Clean, Honest Co, Johnsons and some other random ones and non of them make her skin as soft and hydrated as Aveeno. This time of year especially it’s a must. Aveeno Lotion
Wine, Wine & More Wine Ok, joking (not really lol). Whatever your form of stress relief is probably the most important essential of them all. We make sure we have every single thing our babies could ever need, but mama don’t forget about your needs. The number one thing our toddlers need is a mama who takes care of herself, and her wellbeing. Wether it’s relaxing with a glass of wine, music, a bubble bath or anything else make sure you implement it into your daily life. Life is all about balance, and while we want to give 100% of ourselves to our kiddos, we need to save some for us too.
I hope this post helped someone out there, wether you’re pregnant, a new mom or even an experienced mama just looking for something missing. As always, stand together mama’s, be there for each other. help each other, and don’t be afraid to ask for help yourself.
Everyone always warns you when you become a parent that you’re going to lose all your friends, and nobody ever believes it until it happens to them. When I found out I was pregnant it was an exciting time for everyone. I was the first of my friends, it was something new, an experience that everyone wanted to be apart of. I’ve had a close group of friends for a very long time now, they are like my family. When A was born my friends were so active in being apart of everything. They loved her, they made an effort. I mean its easy when you have a newborn that you can bring along everywhere. They sleep in the car seat, they only cry when they need something. Toddlers are a different story, they whine, they throw tantrums and you have to work around their nap schedule. I get it, its just not as easy. Although, I think the problem I’m experiencing with my friends goes deeper than having to work around a toddler.
We’re getting older, we’re all going to be 25 this year, and naturally things will change, I get that. Although, what I wont stand for is people trying to belittle me, or tell me how I should think and feel. Over the last year or so my friends have all been on their own personally growth journeys (as we all are). Although, in my opinion if your personal growth means isolating, or putting down one of your closest friends then there isn’t much growth happening at all has there? I’m sick and tired of being put down because I think and feel differently from my friends. I feel as though I’m either being put down, or ignored completely. Every single thought or feeling that I have is being challenged by these people, the only person I want that from is my therapist.
I’m a people pleaser by nature, its how I was raised. I’ve always been the type of friend who listens and supports when people are feeling down. I let them get it all out, I encourage them and I validate them. Thats honestly all I’ve ever wanted in return. Lately though its quite the opposite. I’m still expected to validate their feelings and be their shoulder to cry on, when I’m not receiving the same support back, and quite honestly I’m over it. I have an extremely hard time “cutting” people, or acknowledging when people are becoming toxic to me. I always think that it must be my fault, or if I’m better than they’ll like me again. Honestly, fuck that. I’m sick of being everyones punching bag. I’m sick of either being ignored or told that I’m wrong. Feelings cannot be right or wrong, their feelings, and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I want. It’s time for me to choose myself, even if it means losing the people that I thought were the most important to me. I’m choosing my family, my daughter. I want to be able to teach her how to stand up for herself and what she believes, and how can I do that if I’m constantly letting people walk all over me? I’m saying enough is enough. Either these people learn how to stand with me, or I stand alone. There will be no more people pleasing, no more walking on egg shells. I am who I am and everyday I’m working to be better. I may run a little slower, and maybe I’m a little behind on my personal growth journey. If that means that they think their too good for me than I guess that says more about them than it does about me.
When you find yourself walking into motherhood be prepared. You most likely will loose friends, and don’t be so quick to blame the baby. While we’re growing and flourishing in motherhood, the people around us are doing the same thing in their own lives, and sometimes the pieces of the puzzle change, and they don’y quite fit together the same anymore. It’s ok to grow apart and change, and it’s ok to be sad about it. The most important thing is that you never forget your worth, never be someone you’re not to keep the people around you comfortable. At the end of the day the only thing you have is yourself, and if you don’t love the person that you are than you need to change something. You need to be true to yourself, and the self love will come pouring in. Yes, even if it means losing some of the people that you thought you couldn’t live without.
I finally did, I checked off my number one new years resolution for 2020 and it’s just the beginning. I finally tool the leap and I reached out to a local counselor for help, I’m getting help. I’ve talked about mental health a lot on this blog so far, but I haven’t really dug deep into what this journey has meant for me thus far. I’ve needed this help for as long as I can remember really. The first time I can remember feeling like something was really “wrong with me” was when I was 12 years old. At 12 was when I felt suicidal for the very first time, and at 12 is when my debilitating depression would begin.
I grew up in a home with a very mentally ill father, and to be honest I didn’t even really know it until recently. I don’t want to get too into that, because its simply not my place to air out all of his dirty laundry on here. Although, I suppose his dirty laundry has become my own as well. When I was a small child my dad was great (from my memory anyway). I was his little buddy, we did everything together. It wasn’t until I got closer to the age of puberty that the mental and emotional abuse started. My dad has been deeply scarred by women in his family, and I have to assume thats where it came from. From a very young age he would be sure to try and put my younger brother and I against each other, and we’ve just started to recover from that recently. My dad still hasn’t got help, but he has proved himself with A. For now I know he loves her, and would never hurt her, but for when she’s older I’m really not sure if that will be the case.
I was never allowed to feel my emotions when I was younger. I remember going in the bath (the only place I could let it all out in private). I would silently scream for God, or whatever higher power there may be to take me. I begged for it to be my time, and nobody knew. I wasn’t allowed to be depressed. I wasn’t allowed to cry, those actions would come with punishment. If I was upset for whatever tweenage reason at the time I was not allowed to show it to my father. If he caught me crying in my room then I was immediately grounded, not allowed to see my friends anymore. I think thats when I developed the habit of isolating myself. To this day whenever I feel the depression coming I go into hibernation mode. I cut myself off from my friends and the other things that make me happy because I have to punish myself the only way I know how. I’ve developed some pretty extreme depression, anxiety and panic attacks as a result of my pubescent years and how I was raised.
For the longest time I held a lot of resentment towards my parents for making me this way. It really wasn’t until I became a parent myself that I realized they really were doing their best, even if their best was absolutely fucked at times. My dad is a seriously mentally ill man, a man who doesn’t know how to help himself, and probably never will. I’ve made a choice for myself and for my family. A choice to be better for me, for my fiance and most importantly, for my daughter. I’m learning that it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. It’s ok to feel my feelings, yes even the bad ones. It’s ok to not be happy all the time. I’m learning to feel those emotions, and most importantly I’m learning how to let them go in a healthy way.
Everyone around me is constantly telling me to stop having negatives thoughts and feelings. While I understand that they’re coming from a good place, trying to help I’ve learned that their words are everything but helpful. I have one friend in particular that wont talk to me about anything if its not sunshine and rainbows, she tells me to go meditate then text her later. For the longest time I’ve felt like a burden to everyone, and maybe I am to them, but from now on I will not let myself feel that way. It’s time for me to take time to work on myself. It’s time to say no to spending time with the people that bring me down. It’s time for me to be alone and find my own inner happiness. I’ve always been the type of person who enjoys surrounding myself with friends, I always thought thats what made me happy. For now I think I need to say goodbye to those old ways, because lately friends are the ones bringing me down more than ever. They are constantly disregarding my struggles to bask in their own happiness, which I understand is their journey and I’m happy for them. I want to be happy for me though, I want to put myself first for once in my life.
Happiness can only be achieved once you accept your true self, and let go of the self you think that you need to be.
I’m nowhere near being “cured” or “fixed”. If anything I’m in one of the worst places I’ve been in my entire life, and thats ok. I’m extremely self aware, and I know the things that I need help with, and the things that I want to change for myself, not because the people around are telling me that I should. I know this journey in therapy will probably be long, maybe even the rest of my life, but I know eventually I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror and say “I’m proud of you B”.
Hi welcome back to Motherhood In The Raw, thanks for clicking! I know I’m not a food blog, but I’m here today with this recipe because it will save moms lives, and energy. My biggest pet peeve is when I’m in a rush to find a recipe and I’m forced to read through 7 pages of why the poster just loves every ingredient so much, so I’m going to keep it short and sweet. These energy bites are healthy, easy, fast to make, and very easily modified to suit a vegan diet. They’re the perfect snack to prep at the beginning of the week to keep you going during your busy days. Moms love them, kids love them, its a win-win situation if you ask me!
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups Old Fashioned Oats
3/4 cups Natural Nut Butter (I used peanut butter)
1/4 cup Honey (substitute maple syrup for vegan)
Dark Chocolate Chips (to taste)
1 tsp Nutmeg
Oats w nutmeg, Honey, PB, Chocolate Chips
Directions: Start by measuring out all of your oats and pouring them into a large mixing bowl. Then add the nutmeg (or whatever flavour you prefer) into the oats and combine. Add the honey, nut butter and chocolate chips one at a time into the mixing bowl with the oats.
Combined Ingredients
Then combine all of the ingredients together. This step is a bit tricky because these ingredients don’t tend to mix very easily. I started mixing with a spatula, and then once most of the honey and nut butter were combined I used my hands to mix it further. Once the ingredients are thoroughly combined then place a large piece of parchment paper down on your working station. The parchment helps the balls set slightly without sticking to your surface. Use an ice cream scoop (or your hands) to roll the mixture into balls and place them on the parchment paper. You can place them in the freezer for about 5-10 minutes after you’ve made them all into balls, which will help harden them slightly. Store in an airtight container for up to a week at room temperature, or 2 weeks in the fridge.
Helpful Tips: Make a double or triple batch and store the extras in the freezer to save time in the future. I found it most useful to use my hands when forming the balls, although as soon as too much residue got on my hands from the bites I was unable to roll them into balls anymore. Wash and dry your hands fully after every 5ish balls to prevent this from happening. Make different flavours! The flavour possibilities are honestly endless with these suckers. Pinterest is a great place for inspiration.
I hope you enjoyed my first ever recipe here on my blog! I know you and your kiddos will love these healthy little snacks just as much as we did. Be sure to leave me a comment if you decide to make them, and let me know how yours turned out. I plan to do more recipes in the future of my go-to meals for my family and I. Although I know this may not be a food blog I am totally a foodie myself, and I love to share the awesome recipes that I find!
Motherhood in the Raw 