We’re All In This Together

I know that the media right now is a little bit scary, and life as we know it seems turned upside down. For people like myself who struggle with anxiety disorders on a normal day are probably falling into a dark place right about now. For me personally I continue to go back and forth between feeling extremely anxious, and trying to see the light in a bad situation. Over the last week I’ve had the most intense physical symptoms of anxiety, from nausea to headaches and full body discomfort. COVID-19 is changing the way that we all live our lives.

This past weekend was my 25th birthday, and I tried to allow myself a little bit of grace in order to enjoy my weekend, although the guilt and anxiety quickly took over for me. I’m currently in isolation with my family, we are not planning to leave our home unless we absolutely have to. It’s not that I’m scared of catching the virus as much as I’m terrified of the fast spread and contagion level. I’m so thankful that our Canadian government has decide to take action and announce a state of emergency. I’m a big believer in “better safe than sorry”.

While this time is hard for everyone, and so many people are missing out on big life events because of the affects of COVID-19 we must try and look at the positives. We need to take the time we’re being given at home to self reflect, and find our happiness. This storm will pass, and I want to feel as mentally clear as I possibly can when it does. I want to use this time to find who I really am, find what makes me happy when I don’t have the distractions of the world to help. I want to spend time with my daughter, getting creative and finding new games to play. I want our bond to grow stronger each day. I will take this time to remove the toxic people from my life organically, giving me the much needed space I’ve been longing for. Enjoy the outdoors, the earth has so much to offer us at this time. Take walks in the woods, dig deep in the dirt. Take time to feel the earth between your toes, look up at the stars.

Social distancing is hard when we live in such a fast paced world. We get so used to our daily routines and it’s difficult to break away from that. I think for a long time our earth has been begging us to slow down and give her a break. Now we’re being forced to focus on our homes in order to save the world. We’re truly all in this together. Help your neighbours, share your goods, and most importantly keep your loved ones safe by doing your part.

I am here for anyone who needs any type of assistance during this hard time, don’t be afraid to reach out, I will provide my email below.
motherhoodintheraww@gmail.com

Xoxo, B

Welcome March

Welcome March,
I am ready to embrace this new month with gratitude. March is the time for feeling inspired, motivated and ready for change. March means that spring is just around the corner. Soon we’ll be feeling the warmth of the sun. The chirp of new life being born into the world. The smell of the earth as it awakens from its winter sleep. March reminds me that seasons change, and that your current is not your forever. Spring is the perfect time for change. Change where you’re living, change your job, change your hobbies. March is the time to let go of the things that are no longer serving your greater purpose. Let go of the people who are holding you back, as hard as it may be. Listen to your inner voice, listen to what she is telling you. Stop changing who you are to fit in with everyone else. Find your people, find your joy. Allow March to guide you to where you need to be. The longer you try to force happiness on yourself for the greater good of others, the longer it will take to find your true bliss. Be your own motivation, and let this new season show you just how beautiful you really are. March, I’m ready for you and all you have in store.

xoxo, B

Seasons Change & So Do You

Autumn

Autumn is approaching fast and I feel a sense of relief. Summer is wonderful, its full of adventure and fun. Summer is the time for falling in love, and staying up until all hours of the night with your friends, dreaming of tomorrow. Although, I was fortunate enough to have my fair share of sleepless summer nights with friends, something didn’t sit right with me. I realize now that it was the guilt, the guilt of not being with A, even when I know she was fast asleep in her cozy bed at grandmas house. As the guilt increased so did the isolation, and I could feel friends slipping away. My close friendships changed over the summer, and it’s something I’m still coming to terms with.

Over the last few months I’ve been so caught up in why my closest friends seem uninterested in our relationship. I’ve had friends seemingly choose me last, in my eyes anyway for quite some time now. I’ve let it get me down more than I’d like to admit, I feel embarrassed. I’ve spent many hours feeling sad about certain relationships, which in turn has made me less present for A, which is the most guilt inducing feeling of them all. Being an Enneagram type 4 means I feel things deeply, and personally. I think I’m going to write a whole blog post about personality types, and astrology but today is not that day. Regardless, I know I tend to take things personally, and I also have a hard time navigating my feelings which requires me to spend more time than I would like with personal reflection. I never want A to suffer at the cost of my emotions.

“I never want A to suffer at the cost of my emotions.”

While I wholeheartedly believe that it’s extremely important to take time to feel through your emotions, I also believe it’s important to not let them consume you. As Autumn approaches I can feel myself letting go. I can feel myself becoming less selfish, and focusing on the more important relationships in my life. Relashionships such as my fiance, my daughter and my family. Friends who build me up, and help me feel secure in myself, rather than making me question if I’ll ever be good enough. I feel lighter, and more emotionally free than I have in months and that is simply because seasons change, and so do we. I will never close the book on any relationship (unless it is genuinely damaging to my health and wellbeing), because who knows what the next season of life will bring, and who I will need in that time.

Autumn will be for family, and making our home more loving, positive and warm. Autumn is for self reflection in the most positive of ways. I truly believe that Autumn will bring the clarity that I’ve been searching for these past months. I feel a shift happening and I’m so excited to see where I’m going to end up. Rather than feeling a sense of longing, and searching for the missing piece, I’m realizing that I have been the missing piece all along. I’ve doubted myself for so long, I haven’t been able to see my true potential for quite some time. Autumn I thank you, I thank you for grounding me, and bringing me back to myself. I feel clear, and I can’t wait to see whats next.

xoxo, B