Dear Diary: Ep.4

Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.

Steve Maraboli

Letting people go is really hard. No one wants to feel alone. Sometimes loneliness is what you need in order to find yourself. For the longest time I’ve changed who I am in order to fit in with others. I’ve always had to fight hard in order to not be forgotten, or left behind. Why am I exhausting myself in a fight that I cannot win? I hold on so tight to things that may be bad for me because I’m so scared of being alone. I know that I will always have my family, and they mean everything to me. Although, sometimes you need friendship too. It’s been many years since I’ve felt this way, and it’s a feeling that I never, ever want to feel again. I will never open myself up to the possibility of friendship again. This pain is too real, and too intense that it doesn’t make the good times worth it. My daughter, my partner and my family deserve my energy. I deserve my energy. Life will go on, and maybe I will be a little bit more lonely than I once was. I know the pain will fade eventually, but sadly the memories will remain. I wish I knew the right way to deal with this situation, but I suppose thats a lesson that I still have to learn.

Xoxo, B.

Dear Diary: Ep. 3

She is a mermaid but approach her with caution. Her mind swims at depths most would drown in.

J. Iron Word

My mind has always been complex, moving 1000 miles a minute. I’ve always thought of that to be a bad thing. Setting me apart from my peers. Now I’m trying to learn to how to love and accept my mind, and how beautiful it is. I’ve yet to meet another person who thinks like myself. I am my own unique being, and I am special in every way. You do not need to achieve greatness to be great. Simply being who you are is the greatest thing that you can be. Society has skewed our perception of what makes someone worthy. You don’t have to be anything that you do not want to be. Be who you are, deeply and truly. One day you’ll be looking back on your life, desperately wishing that you embraced your true self. Through and Through.

*Be Your Own Power *

xoxo, B

Dear Diary: Ep 2

Today I woke up to warm sunlight pouring through my window. Theres nothing quite like sunrise on your skin first thing in the morning; it set the tone for my day. How can I feel bad when there is beauty all around me? Today I wont sweat the small stuff, and I know nothing can bring me down. I am powerful, and I can see the beauty in everything. I know that I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be. Today I will choose positivity. I will move my body, I will allow myself to feel good. Depression will not capture me today. It will not make me fall into it’s trap again. Not today.

Thank you for reading episode two of my Dear Diary series. Just a reminder that these diary entires are from days in the past, they aren’t my present thoughts and emotions as I’m creating this blog post. Sometimes these posts may not make a ton a sense as they’re basically my thought vomit, but I figured maybe someone out there would be able to relate.

xoxo, B

Dear Diary: Ep. 1

Hi friends, thanks for clicking on my new blog post. If you’ve been following me since the beginning then you’ve probably realized that this blog has turned more mental health than motherhood. Since I’ve started this blog I’ve been working on myself hard core, and there has been a lot of ups and downs. Something that has been a huge part of my life has been daily journaling, and I thought I would share some of those journal entries here on my new segment called Dear Diary. I want you to know that if you’re struggling it is ok, and you’re not alone. We are all growing and evolving on our own clocks, and we all have such a unique, personal way of thinking. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like they have to follow anyone else’s way of thinking to be on the right path. Sometimes I know that I can feel like I’m running a marathon with those around me, and everyone is miles ahead of me. I keep running as fast as I can, trying to keep up with fear in the back of my mind. Fear of being left behind, or forgotten by those that I love. We need to remember that those who truly love us back wont leave us behind. They will adjust their pace slightly to allow us to catch up, and they will embrace us once we finally reach the finish line. I know that was a long introduction to this new segment, but it felt necessary to me, because these diary entries are super important to me.

Dear Diary: Ep. 1:
It’s time to inhale the good and the happy, and exhale the bullshit. Manifest the life that you desire. Manifest happiness and self love. Your path doesn’t have to look like your peers, you create your own happiness. Follow your heart, not the crowd. See your inner beauty, and thank God for making you this way. Help people like you need to be helped. Reach out, make an effort. Be loving and be loved. Choose the pursuit of happiness, not perfection. Maybe simply being happy is enough. Maybe loving yourself is magic.

I wrote that while I was having a very tough day mentally. The depression was taking over ever fibre of my being and I thought I was going to be stuck in it all day. Writing is so therapeutic for me. It allows me to get my thoughts out in an organized way, instead of having them race around my mind 1000 miles a minute. I know this one was short, but it is so powerful to me. I want to create an army of mental health warriors, that would probably be my “mission statement” for this blog. I want people to know that you’re perfect just the way you are. Personal growth is important, and it’s empowering, but its also just that, personal. Next time you feel like you’re evolving “too slowly” or like everyone around you is moving on and leaving you in their dust I want you to read this blog post. I want you to remember that you’re time for mental clarity will come, and it will taste that much sweeter because you know that you will have worked your ass off for it. For now keep on shining, and keep on loving yourself through every up, and every down.

xoxo, B.